She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
