the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
