i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
