i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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