Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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