When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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