Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
