u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
