Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
