My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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