just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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