neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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