I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
