Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
