i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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