it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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