the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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