oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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