if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
