we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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