Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
