She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
