i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
