where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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