So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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