oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
