i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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