I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
