Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
