Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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