people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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