Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
