I think my fart just growled at me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was like eating out sand paper
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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