Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
