It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
