3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
cat food counts as protein by the way
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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