Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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