The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
