i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
