I hate your face
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
