East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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