Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
