Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
