I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
