People in love make me want to vomit
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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