He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
