They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
