i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
