I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
