it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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