i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
