I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
