Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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