He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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