you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
