I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
