I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you had me at cake vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
