it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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