Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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