I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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