He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
