One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
