That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
