Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
