she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
