Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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