his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
