That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
