chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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